Christmases may come and go, but Hallmark films go on forever.
In the recent years, if there’s one thing that I have looked forward to, it is the annual Christmas films edition on Netflix (or streaming sites). I am a sucker for the happy vibes in the air, fairy lights, snow, chunky knitwear, hot chocolate and sappy romances. And what better time to bring them all together than Christmas?
Though my attraction to Christmas films started a few years ago, I started paying attention to them only very recently. And since I have learnt to decode the “formula” for (most of) the films that are up for grabs now, my life has not been the same.
What “formula” you ask? THE CHRISTMAS FILM FORMULA! Come on, you can’t tell me I am the only one that’s noticed it…or that I am the only one who has issues with it.
It is almost always about a (cis-straight) couple who are either recently broken up or are on the verge of breaking up. If they are recently broken up, then the story starts at a point where the woman is searching for meaning in her life as the only “meaning” she had until then ditched her just weeks before Dec 25. If it is the latter, aka if the couple is on the verge of breaking up, then the last straw is the woman (why is it always the woman??) refusing to meet the man’s family due to any or all of these reasons: she is career-oriented/ she hates Christmas/ she hates her family/ she lost her family around the same time, years ago and therefore has significant grief during holidays.
Once this step is checked, we move on to the place where the woman immediately finds a reason to go to that small town with a ridiculously festive name like “Christmas Creek” or “Santa’s heaven” or some such thing. This always makes me wonder how weird these places sound during the remaining 11 months of a year. Now, this “discovery” of the town or village can happen when her car malfunctions in the middle of nowhere or when she runs an internet search with the search string “how to move on from your ex”, or when she miraculously remembers her long lost uncle after 20 years or when she gets lost in an ice storm, becomes unconscious and has to be rescued.
At this point, the time is ripe to introduce the charming man who will “teach her” the significance of Christmas and reminds her of the meaning of family. The meet-cute can happen either when she gets lost on the way and a stranger (the man) shows her the way or when she is rescued from the said ice storm or when she finally meets her uncle who has a very reliable and super hot handyman….you get my point, right?
And then the film (or films) move on to the section where she learns what it means to be with family, surrounded by love and laughter and how she feels “complete” with a man by her side. She is schooled (as she should be, *eye rolls*) by the charming man about family values and how life in the town is so close knit and safe and cosy. She learns how to bake cookies, decorate gingerbread houses, ice-skate and put up a Christmas tree and lights.
And then suddenly Christmas is over and it is time for her to go back to her big-shot city life with skyscrapers and millions of people in neutral colours. She is obviously sad and the man is sad but hey, let’s not make them both communicate like adults do, right? So there’s a bit of pining and yearning and sometimes even tantrum-throwing and stonewalling…..but then ultimately, she comes to her senses (duh!) and gets ready to quit her plush job to move to the Christmas Hollow. Only that now, till next December, the place is just, well, “Hollow”.
All this discourse and for what? Am I still going to blubber after a well-made trash Hallmark film? Definitely! Am I still going to go awwwww at all those chunky, red-green jumpers and knitwear? Of course, yes! Am I still going to look forward to the release of every single Christmas film, watch it and then nastily complain? Obviously.
Nothing’s going to change, my friend. I am still a sucker for twinkly lights and Christmas cakes (moist with alcohol), and (hopefully) a day will come when I put my own tree up (with or without my family) and fill its base with neatly-wrapped presents.